I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
