Well apparently he's into motor boating.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
