All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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