The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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