it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
my liver is dry heaving
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
