I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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