I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Hippo gnu deer
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.