It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
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I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
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You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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