I can't watch pbs sober anymore
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
