the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
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screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.