I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
33 Sex Crazed People That Are Going Balls Deep
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
21 Family Members Confess The Creepiest Things They Know About a Relative
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.