i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
