I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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