I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
