sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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