Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
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