pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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