I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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