Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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