He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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