Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
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