i think my tv is drunk
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
