he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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