So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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