she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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