I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
