You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
