There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
