hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
