I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
