So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
