I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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