Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
