Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
