Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
