there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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