my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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