im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
