I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
