But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
