im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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