sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
