My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just had sex on a roof
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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