and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
