I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
