i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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