Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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