I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
