my phone needs a breathalizer
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
