My brain says no but my pants say off.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
