my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
foreskin is a definite game changer
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
