just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
