Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
