I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
