They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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