she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
