We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
