I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
