my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
