I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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