She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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