8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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