I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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