I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
