ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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