so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
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He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
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At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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