the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
