why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
