Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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