My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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