we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
