my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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