there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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