Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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