It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
wow bdsm is so cute
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
