So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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