I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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