I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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