I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
