I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
